coffee cup

i start my day with a steaming cup of coffee, to stimulate myself, get me going for the whole-days' activity. but i guess today is gonna different, my first class went well the second is a question mark (?), we still don't have our room assignment till now. oh, how wonderful and annoying.

a steaming hot morning to everyone (smile)

what is this " maybe your class will be dissolve" mam?

what is this " maybe your class will be dissolve" mam?

dragging myself to the bathroom is not an easy thing to do, i exerted a large amount of effort for this.
even ate my breakfast at 8:10 in the morning instead of my usual ten am breakfast date with my lazy too, roommates.

we deserve to have this Filipino class.

the suns UV rays

i think the sun is angry at me. she shines overly pretty, radiate like a jewel in the sky. i'm not gifted with my ideal color, yeah im aware of that. but, can she please lighten her UV rays atleast? so that i wont buy extra sets of sunblock?

budget is kinda tight, everybody feels the effect of poverty but nevertheless gamble there last penny to look fine, its myself i am describing now.


oh well. gotta go and have another bath.

fragile bubble

        Can't think of anything to avert and free myself from feeling of desolation, tonight my mind wanders somewhere. The heaven seems to express her sympathy through holding back her tiny twinkling stars. Writing is one of my way to escape loneliness and voice out my fears or hidden regrets. Sometimes i feel like a bubble so delicate and fragile, can burst anytime and fades into oblivion.

the pylon over night

Its two o'clock in the morning but it feels like eight in the morning. Ryan here beside me is drinking  hot coffee listening to a Christian song, the ladies behind me are chatting and laughing, its the usual pylon over night, but what makes the difference? it might the last pylon over night we will be spending together on dummy making.

It was really fun dancing and singing with them despite our tiresome activity, running through the infos of the graduates is quite agonizing and boring. It should be carefully done to avoid errors otherwise we will repeat the same process.

i know i'm tired but i just cant lull my self to sleep. In a little while the sun will start to rise giving way to a cold and wonderful dawn.

i need my feelings back

         
             I know its already quarter to twelve, and i'm the only person wide awake in this part of the city.i cant make myself fall into sleep, i'm worrying, and i don't know what have become of me now, perhaps because I've shut my doors for so long against emotions,this i know and am quite certain of.

taking a glance..

i always question what awaits me three years after, shall i be in the business industry as i have imagined myself years ago or i will become an addition to the already high number of people with high credentials yet working in a minimum wage just to support my daily needs. i have been bothered by this thought since last week when i saw my cousin in the sofa, sleeping soundly despite the deafening noise of the television. she graduated with honors in st. la Salle university at the age of 19. we'll, we really thought that its the beginning of her life's journey as a nurse earning huge as other nurses abroad do since our uncle promised to help her get her visa, but, we were very surprise one day that the demand for nurses abroad was rapidly declining.

sometimes i wonder what better chances do we have to prosper in life other than acquiring a diploma?

who can answer me? (i'll wait)

a chat with her

i thought it will never be possible at all, eating and laughing together with your family is the least of all the things i wanna do, yet, here i am having a nice chat with your sister. yes, u are right, i don't like her, i hate her for believing those rumors about me, despite how close we are before she still prefers to be in there side rather than hearing the entire story from me. and yes, you were right again that it was already three years ago, but every time  i remember it,i just cant stop this bad feeling glowing out of me.

my lazy day

something bothers me, through which i don't know the cause.
today,  i woke up feeling lazy. never wanting to stand up, take a bath, to dress up and even pick some food in the table.


just sitting in my bed, i watch my room mates move like birds only stopping when necessary.
i wonder, why am i so unconscious of the time, and why am i squandering it?
i too, cant answer this as of the moment. but, maybe because


 today i don't feel like doing anything (whistling, tootoo to tooo to.. )

remembering then

its not my family, pinay baya ko.
hehehehe

"All at once, I finally took a moment and I'm realizing that ,You're not coming back"


heavy, and feeling about to cry, every time i here this Whitney Houston song, not because i can remember someone who broke my heart , but, because i always hear this song when i was a still a kid.


i miss being a ten year old once again.
to play dolls with my girl friends, imitate our moms in their very red lipstick and wear their high heeled shoes three times bigger than our feet, molding clay with our bare hands in different colors.


i miss being a ten year old once again,
because life was so much simple then, no heart aches, no rejections and failures. 
and, much more, i'm with the presence of every one i value most in my life, my mom, my dad, my brother and my sister. The few people i miss so much now while sitting here and writing this blog.


as a kid, 
we wanna grow up so fast and do the things the old people do. we are so curios to explore the world and experience the truth in life. And now, that i'm here, i now can attest to my self that the old people were right. that we should cherish being young, for when we grow up, we wanna be young again.




"Ever since I met you ,You're the only love I've known ,And I can't forget you ,Though I must face it all alone "


all at once, i wanna be young again and experience the comfort of life with THEM, my so called family.


i miss all of you, so much.

a bad dream

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i felt the heat of the sun, prickling on my skin, wanting to stand up but i was unable to move, i lay there, immobile on my bed for more than thirty minutes, struggling, fighting the unknown battle. 

sweat moisten my skin, my breathing as fast as the motorcycles on the street, 

and then, BANG!

and slowly, from blurred images and sound..

slowly coming back to reality,

i'm finally back, to the world i was into.  

and freed from nightmare,i saw them, my roommates telling me i was DREAMING.

the long road to getting done

at last, i have one signature from the dean, too far from what i had been expecting.
well, i never really did anticipate the crowd.

cold sweat running down my forehead to my throat, such a sticky feeling paired with tired feet,
equals, I WANNA QUIT THIS THING idea in my head.

i expect to see him, him that i have been wanting to see for months, and yet when i'm already in front of him, he pretends not to see me nor hear my voice call his name, twice?three or four times i tried then he finally noticed me. at least he pretends to be excited to see me, but it wasn't what i see nor felt, i sense some fear, fear i know have been there since the last time we hold hands. 


sad, confused and heart broken,

i have to admit,


its finally goodbye, because we have to.

89, the unbelievable number (for some, heheh)

crossed eye brows,a confused face and funny gesture, hahahha..
when, i handed them my accreditation form.
asked different sets of questions answerable by the info i gave them.
do i look like impossible to have a grade of 89?in accounting?

oh well, i also do wonder why.
i dressed well, speak well and have my thoughts delivered well.
again, why? anyway this adds to the already countless number of my BLOOPERS list.

hoaowah.. they asked me so much! in summary, to make the story short,
they had me sent to the registrars office and asked for someones signature,
her name i prefer to be UNKNOWN.

and well, unknown also run through my files and found the same number on my accreditaton form,

its really, 89!


hahahahah

no idea

were ask to write something,cant think of a thing.
i swear, completely nothing.
difficult, i can say.
but, ill try.
who knows? ill end up with a good one.

confession of an aching heart

my dashboard look so colorful and lively, but i don't feel like it.
sad, bored and tired, that's the best description you can say to me.
and yeah, i agree. i feel unloved and unwanted, by members of my family?
with this i doubt, i wanted to say yes and deny the fact to say no.
i have said words that hurt you, it hurts me too, so much.
well, i wont wonder why your treatment had a 360 degree change.
from heavenly to hell, and yes im ready to suffer.
but, dont forget the thought that someday i know i can also be successful
very successful, and i wont forget that part of it. i awe it to you,

my dear sister.

an hour at the beach

The sun sparks like a jewel in the sky.And the ocean,its wave,its sound and its gentle splashing makes the scenery more alluring, inviting and tempting.The trees swayed in unison with the tender yet authoritative blow of the ocean breeze. Kids building sand castles on the seashore,teenage girls in colorful bikinis and lovers walking holding hands under the heat of the sun.perfect,isn’t it? one forgets the worries of the day,just like I wanted to freeze time,to eternity.To forever live in this moment.

Fishes in the aquarium

Three tiny fishes with sparkling tails swimming in a bowl of water. how does it feel to be a fish? i wanna swim, swim and swim, i wanna breath in the waters, explore the unknown, look at the hidden, touch the invisible and giggle with the whales. fishes don't seem to be sad, just simply playing hide and seek with the others complete their day. Humans are much different! a person might be in a party but not entirely happy, pieces of our hearts are missing somewhere, to somewhere chaotic and unexplainable. the weeds seem to be their sanctuary, swimming up and down and up and down and up again, again and again. over and over again doing the same thing their entire lives. they don't seem to feel bothered, pressured in their studies or work field to  deal with, people to cope up with and parents who gets disappointed every time we committed mistakes. how does it really feel to be a fish? to just swim, swim, swim and swim for the rest of our lives.